You re-read all the painful mementos of your past tonight, seeing your pleas to yourself to run, heal, and break through the pain of what is now — thankfully — past. A little smile pulls at the corner of your lips because, for the first time, you see how wonderfully naive you were.
You were naive in your sense of self. You see, so clearly, where you were pushing yourself to recognize your own worth. You see where the pain was deepest. And you see the intense fear you faced down through courage and faith.
And a little tear falls down your cheek as you read these words, knowing the scars you stitched up and the time — oh God, the time — it took to do so. And you see where God was waiting just a little longer to bring you to where you needed to be.
The things you craved — the things you wrote about as if they were fantasies that weren’t possible in a relationship — are all the things you have in every action, every conversation, every bit of love that you have now. And my God, how could you know then how lucky…how blessed…you would be, thanks to God’s plan?
You never asked for perfection. You never asked for a fairy tale. You never asked to be saved. You never needed any of those things. They were not what you prayed for. It was the small things — holding hands, little kisses on the cheek, joyous laughter, and holding each other close — that you thought were impossibilities. Those things are yours now, every day.
So you count yourself immeasurably blessed to have someone whose first instinct is to think of others. Someone who is universally and genuinely kind. Someone who is your partner in every sense of the word. And someone with whom you can continually grow your relationship, ever-deepening your admiration and appreciation of one another.
And suddenly, all of those small things that are affecting you melt away — those fears and stressors that seemed so important a moment ago. They’re not important. This is. This is what matters. The rest of it — your insecurities, exhaustion, and anxieties — fade away in comparison.
So you can rest a little easier tonight, remembering where you were not too long ago and where you are now. As you lay your head down, you remember you have bigger things to focus on. And you see what you couldn’t before — God’s plan, leading you now just as it did then.
